promises

I am now at my desk surrounded by tin-foil wrappers from the lovely chocolates that I bought during my Target adventure the other day. We all thought it would be fun to have some chocolate in the office, but I am the one who has to sit here and look at it all day. It really is a no-win situation because I am either thinking I should be eating it, thinking that I shouldn't be eating it, or eating too much of it.

To make matters worse, I picked two bags of Dove "Promises" which, as you may know, have a little phrase on the inside of the wrapper akin to the fortune in a fortune cookie. Now, if there's one thing I hate it's the fortune cookies that don't house fortunes at all, but instead give you these trite little bits of advice like, "To open the doors to your success, open doors for others," or "Fear is but another obstacle on the road to greatness." Please. I want the fortune that says, "You are next in line for a promotion," "You will soon meet your soul mate," or even "A treacherous friendship will soon reveal itself through betrayal." I don't care if it's bad, give me a Fortune! Well, the sayings inside of the Dove Promises are like the worst fortune cookies, but much cheesier. Let me cite a few examples:

Lose yourself in a moment.
Naughty can be nice.
Don't think about it so much.
(And my favorite...) Buy yourself flowers.

Buy yourself flowers? Come on. Now I've never really gotten the whole guy-gives-girl-flowers thing, but I'm guessing that if you wanted someone to buy them for you, buying your own wouldn't be a very great substitute. Maybe they should keep going - buy your own birthday present, buy your own engagement ring, then your own house, and throw your own bridal shower. In reality, we would all probably be a lot happier this way, but it just isn't how things are done. Or maybe I just shouldn't "think about it so much." Ha! Okay, little piece of tin foil sitting on my desk, I'll take it from you.

The only thing these Promises really say to me is, "We know you're a woman because you are eating a chocolate that was in a bag with the word 'promise' on it, so we are going to fill your head with cliche woman-talk." Now, I like sitting down with my dark chocolate and watching Sex in the City as much as the next girl, but please, don't give me this stereotypical nonsense. Besides, the only reason I bought the Promises was that I like Dove chocolate and these things are individually wrapped. Now I feel bad for the two men in the office who have to eat them. On second thought, I feel bad for all of us - and I still haven't gotten my fortune.

p.s. Temptation is fun...giving in is even better.

p.p.s. Wink at someone driving past today.

Who writes these things?! I really want to know. I'd like to have a chat with them and tell them what an annoying and horrible experience it is to read such fluff. But i'd probably have to fly to New York City where I'd end up seeing that this person lives in a beautiful Manhattan loft which is paid for and then some by the production of these unconvincing statements. And that is one thing I do not want to see.