missing

Listening to Yo La Tengo, specifically Green Arrow. How can it make me miss my ex with such clarity? Somehow I'd forgotten that I was ever in love with him, but he put this on a mix when we were still pretty new and it brings me back to falling for him. I remember a certain moment, sitting there listening to the song, knowing it was the last on the mix, thinking it was so beautiful and anyone who thought to put it on a mix for me, thereby connecting us through its heart-aching melodies and harmonies must be amazing. The cricket noises, the slow guitar slides. I could almost start crying.

Perhaps I could even blame this song for making me fall for him. And if I hadn't I would have saved both of us some pain in the long run. But it even makes me miss the times when we were together and I knew we shouldn't be. We had some great times, even then. I miss him. I miss us. Life is so strange - nothing is as simple as I imagined it would be. I suppose that's just part of the bargain.