I just found out that I'm not getting paid. I am trying not to let it upset me but it really does change everything. I always said I'd do the internship even if I didn't get paid, but that was before I took out smaller student loans because I thought I was getting paid. So now I don't have enough money to live in this city for three more months. Supposedly in three and a half months I will get more money. But, for reasons I won't go into here, I don't even know if that money is really coming or not. In short, I'm fucked. How did this happen? How could they not tell me that I wasn't going to get paid?

I'm really, really trying to keep it together, which means I've been sitting at my desk for an hour and twenty minutes trying not to cry. That has been my sole task for the last 83 minutes and I don't even feel guilty about it because I'm not getting paid. The moneyed asses I have to watch while trying not to cry aren't really helping matters. I look and them and I think: they are getting paid to talk about how they'd like a martini and a cigarette -- how about I'd like to be able to buy food in December? They are asking me to run uptown to buy eight cookies for thirty dollars -- but they can't even give me a stipend. They send me to buy multiple copies of some stupid DVD for fifty-six dollars, but they can't give me minimum wage for a day. It's sad enough that a full day's labor at minimum wage would cost about the same as two copies of Baby Mama. But what's really heartbreaking is that my entire time here won't be worth as much -- I won't even get paid as much as the eight fucking cookies.